DMA Announcement!
Dear friends, family and supporters,
Where have I been for the last 5 months? Mostly New York, but a little Kansas, a little Chicago and a little Florida. It’s awfully nice to mostly be in one place.
Last I wrote, I was applying for Doctor of Musical Arts (DMA) programs. Last I wrote, I wanted very different things than I do now. That being said, I still want to be a doctor. In fact, I applied, I auditioned, and I was accepted. I chose where I wanted to work out my doctoral ideas and thus, friends, I really am a BIG step closer to becoming Dr. Engle. The first Dr. Engle of my generation. Come at me, cousins! What has changed is not the Dr. Engle part, but exactly where, what and why.
December was a tough month this time around. I finished my DMA applications and then my mom’s birthday hit me hard. I never quite recovered in the rush to the end of the year that so often happens. In January, the seasonal depression hit and I started reconsidering my DMA priorities. I realized with the specificity of my research and performance ideas, I didn’t need to be somewhere that was giving me ideas, I needed a space to develop and work out my ideas. I needed support. Encouragement. Affirmation. Not the challenge of always making it better in the “grand scheme of things” (whatever that means), but the challenge to meet myself at my best.
I started rewatching performance videos. This often happens when I am feeling a bit low, or I don’t have a lot of performances planned. I have to remind myself that I am good. That the rejection I receive has no reflection on my ability, or anything about me really. It is a reflection only on the state of the industry. Rewatching my performances reminds me that I am on the right track for me. Sure, there may be flat notes here or there. I make a weird “sing-y face” or lose the focus of the character from time to time. I am not a perfect performer. But I am an authentic performer. I believe in what I do and how I sing. Anyway, TANGENT. What I discovered in re-watching a bunch of videos is that there was a time when I had that encouragement, that affirmation and the challenge to meet my own capacity. My senior recital at Northwestern in 2015. I sang Brahms duets with two of my best friends. I was struck by how good they were. How good we were. Of course, we were good singers, but what astounded me was how spot on and expertly prepared the language, character and expression of Brahms’ music was in our performance.
A Juilliard singer would say, “Good coaching.” Yes, but also no. At Northwestern, we had access to 30 minutes of coaching per week. A coaching with Richard Boldrey coaching was inspiring. Brilliant in languages and music, Boldrey’s superpower was making you leave his studio feeling like the best singer and artist in the world. You left your coaching and went right to a practice room, right to the library, right to something where you could manifest that feeling into the music you were working on somehow.
In February, I sang a mock audition at All Angels Church, my friend Katelan playing the piano with me, and performed my DMA repertoire, a full recital program worth of songs. I was supported by a beautiful assortment of friends: musicians, improvisers, church folk, family. I was properly nervous because some of them had heard me sing before and some had not. I made mistakes, but I sang my heart out. And then, I didn’t make a single mistake when I sang my auditions.
The day after the mock audition, I flew to Chicago and returned to the Northwestern campus for the first time in nearly 10 years. What a beautiful, open, free place. I finally sang in the fancy new building.
A month later, I sang on the mainstage at Juilliard. It had also been years since I had sung there, but singing on that stage felt like home. I interviewed the next day, I crushed it. I was witty, I knew my stuff, I had educated guesses for areas outside of my expertise.
I was reminded by a wise former professor of mine, a man whom I deeply respect as an educator and a human, that choice is a luxury. And indeed, I was granted an easy and difficult choice. It was easy to know of the two schools which one felt right for me in my next steps as a singer and creative. Easy to know which school would allow me to thrive as an adult going back to school, needing not information, but space. It was difficult because being accepted to both of these prestigious programs meant saying no to one, saying no to a great honor.
I am moving back to Chicago this fall. I will be pursuing a DMA at Northwestern University, in their shiny new building!
It will be hard to say goodbye to friends, to the community that I have built this past year and a half. But I am excited. And this feels really right.
Besides that big news, I started taking improv classes again, this time at the Second City theater that opened in Williamsburg in January. I will be starting Improv 3 at the end of the month and I am so excited. The group I have had class with is such a great group of humans. I love laughing with them, at them, making them laugh, and just getting to be silly goofballs together for a few hours each week. It is really soul-fueling for me, and definitely gives direction to the work I want to do moving forward. Added bonus that Second City is in Chicago :-)
Stay well and for a few more months,
Marie in NYC
