Segment 3: To Heidelberg and Back Again
As if things weren’t exciting enough with all of my transitions moving to Paris, I also got an audition for the Heidelberg Lied Academy with two of my friends. When was the audition? A week after I moved to Paris. Thus, after finally settling in after two months of traveling, a week passed and I was packing my bags again, heading back to Germany.
There were extra unknowns going into this weekend and auditions in Heidelberg, the biggest being, should one be accepted to the program, they would stay the following week to begin the course. After my first two days of hard, but exhilarating French classes, I really did not want to miss a whole week of classes. However, I was committed, if nothing else, to doing this audition for my two lovely pianist friends, for whose auditions I was singing in addition to my own. So I packed my bag, told my teachers I would be missing Friday’s classes, and took the high speed train from Paris to Heidelberg.
Heidelberg is stunning. It wasn’t bombed during the war and there is no industry in sight- just the old university town. Nora got us hooked up with a lovely host family, who picked us up from the train station and invited us into their beautiful guest apartment. We had a blast! The weather was beautiful the whole weekend, so we spent time walking around the old city and enjoying the beautiful view from the balcony of our guest apartment. But even better was the amazing music we got to make over the course of the weekend. For both auditions, we performed repertoire that I love and it was so rewarding to sink into each song as a duo. I was very happy with my and our music-making, and thus rescheduled travel plans I had made for Sunday afternoon and opted to wait to hear that evening the official results that would affect travel for the week to come. I was full of confidence. But that evening, when the email came, it wasn’t the joyous acceptance I was expecting. It was yet another rejection.
I know I couldn’t have and wouldn’t have done anything different with the audition. I had put my heart into it and had even grown excited to stay the week, despite being packed for the weekend and how this scenario would complicate my return to classes in Paris. I let myself feel mad. Mad at the organization of things, mad to not have been selected, but especially mad to have gotten another rejection: my first since moving to Europe, my first since the pandemic, my first after performing my best and having peace with that. It was really disappointing.
I packed my things and took an early bus back to Paris on Monday morning. I would have to miss another day of classes because I had so confidently rescheduled my travel plans. I was frustrated. But midway through the trip on the bus (probably when we crossed the border from Germany to France ;-), my focus shifted back to my new life in Paris. The difficulty is that every taste of a performance life is so good. I love language study, but I was made for performing. But I shifted my perspective and started amping myself up for my French classes again, for establishing some new communities, for the music work I will start here.
We were offered feedback from the audition, which of course I took gladly. The feedback was that we were already so advanced, they decided to accept people who seemed like they would benefit more from the education of the program. This is hard “criticism” to swallow. By no fault of our own, we were rejected. Can this feedback be constructive?
Nonetheless, we hope to establish a performing relationship with this institution. We made a wonderful connection with our host family there and some sort of positive impression on those who run the program. We certainly have more to offer than one weekend’s worth of auditions.
I have been back in my language classes for a few days now. Immediately upon returning after missing two days, I thought I was in over my head. But my teacher reassured me that she believes I am at the right level. So I will buckle down and study, I will practice and I will work at finding and establishing myself in communities in the coming weeks.
The sun has been shining for the past few days, and I know there is more here for me. My hope has not diminished!
Marie in Paris
