Segment 4: Language is...
I am feeling more settled in Paris now. In my classes, in my dorm and in my routine. I started signing up for conversation groups offered at the Cité Universitaire here where I live. I got my first pâtisserie since returning. I have gone on several runs and many long walks. Slowly but surely, things are moving ahead. Soon a whole month will be behind me here in Paris.
One thing that is truly special about this time in Paris, is the focus that I can give to my language study. When I was here in 2018, I experienced that for the first time. My primary goal was language study and everything else that I accomplished was extra. I recognized, even in three short weeks, what a gift it was to do that. It was one of the things that so hugely inspired the adventure I am on right now. I feel how special this is again. My life up to this point has consisted of many spinning plates: practicing, auditioning, networking, performing, studying language, studying pronunciation, applying for opportunities, working, teaching, making opportunities for myself… It is exhausting! It is, however, what is necessary to be a classical singer without an agent in 2021. Thus, to be here in Paris and know that my main objective is language study, is incredibly refreshing.
And… at the same time, it can be incredibly frustrating. It is always hard to return to a beginner level of something when you are a competent person in other aspects of life. It is hard to have a master’s degree and speak a language at the level of a young child. It is hard to have a head full of vocabulary and struggle to string words into a sentence. It is hard when words in any language evaporate from your head at the moment you finally have an opportunity to try things out. It is a continual process of becoming vulnerable, embarrassing yourself, judging your own mistakes and retreating inside to the safety of being alone, being with the thoughts, language and skills that you know. It is looking someone in the eye as they say something right to you and having no idea what they said (frankly, masks make everything a lot harder… I didn’t realize how visual I am when I decipher people’s speech…).
One becomes ever so grateful for those who are willing to listen to your sentences with wrong conjugations, wrong prepositions, a complete lack of clarity, the people who decipher what you are saying because they believe in you and care about your progress. I am so thankful for my French family, for Fabienne and Guillaume, who have generously shared their home, culture and lives with me since 2018. Back then, we spoke English because my French level was so limited. But now, they are happy to start switching to French, giving me opportunities to listen, discern and attempt to form cohesive verbal thoughts and on the other side, having time for English, too. I spent this past Saturday with them in Sceaux and this mixture of language fostering and relationship deepening touched me very deeply.
Another joy of language learning being my primary objective is how it changes my perception of practice time. The two sweet hours I have in the practice room every day feel like spending two hours with my dearest, oldest friend: encouraging, exciting, familiar. It is important when returning to basics in one area to still experience the extent of my expertise in another area.
I am delighted to connect with people here in Paris, old friends and acquaintances. That is always a gift of moving to a new place, but especially abroad.
Marie in Paris
