Japan: Final Days and Reflections
I left you guessing about my last few days in Japan and my final reflections from the trip. I have been back in New York for a solid two weeks now, so it seems I have had more than enough time to scrounge up some reflections, especially after a friend asked a great leading question of what would I take from my time in Japan back to my life here in New York.
My time with my sister was invaluable. Seeing her strengths in language, food and culture; getting to know her wonderful new husband and seeing the two of them together; seeing her thrive in her lifestyle in Japan; and very importantly, having meaningful time of catching up, processing and supporting one another- these were the most valuable parts of all and indeed, were the main goals of the trip. I also got to support her by learning a little Japanese and spending time with Kosuke’s family in Aichi.
That was where my story and my blogs left off. I did not bring my computer along on this weekend trip. Anna and I took the bus to Nagoya and along the way, the bus stopped at a rest area. Picture in your mind a highway rest area in the United States: clean and plentiful toilets, affordable healthy food and snack options, beautifully wrapped boxes of regional goodies to bring as gifts for your hosts- wait. Is that not what you were picturing? Just teasing ;-) This is a description of a Japanese highway rest area! It was here that I found a packaged version of the delicious matcha warabi-mochi that I had sampled the day before in Kyoto to bring back to NYC to share with friends. And I should also mention that on the bus, we were seated in the back, in the all women section. How considerate to have such a luxury!
We got word that Otousan (aka Kosuke’s dad) wanted to take us on a hike. We had not brought the right shoes or clothes for hiking on this little trip, so when our bus arrived in Nagoya, Anna found a shoe store in the mall attached to the station (this is very usual at large stations, like Osaka Umeda, or Nagoya in this case) and got a pair. Looking forward to a hike but in no need of new shoes, I was prepared to rough it out in my heeled boots. We took the train out from Nagoya to Konan, the countryside, where I was looking forward to a hike and seeing the countryside, as well as finally doing hanami (a picnic and chill under the sakura cherry blossoms) and getting to see and meet Kosuke’s family, knowing that there would be a lot of translation work necessary.
Unfortunately for the hike and the hanami, it was rainy all weekend. We still went up to see the Inuyama castle and there were lots of beautiful cherry blossoms around, but it was a lot of sitting and chatting at home. Kosuke’s family has a beautiful traditional home with lots of tatami floors (where slippers are not allowed, and I had to keep reminding myself…), low beams (I only hit my head once, and it wasn’t too terribly dramatic) and a beautiful garden.
One evening we lucked out that the Takarazuka Revue was playing on TV! This is a theater troupe of all women who perform a Japanese style musical with really amazing costumes, make-up, dancing and singing. It is stunning and Otousan told me all about the two year training program these women have (half to sing the women’s roles and half to sing as men- this was particularly interesting to see as a woman who sings a lot of men’s roles in operas! They are trained to sing and move in a particular manner to sound and look masculine) and how their careers with the company work (one’s time with the company is over after 30). The Revue is very popular in Osaka right now, and had actually been strongly recommended to me by a patron at a donor event I sang at several weeks before my trip, so I was glad to have gotten to see and learn a bit more about it in this context.
When our hike was rained out, we went to the mall and mostly looked and strolled around. My favorite part was the tea shop (shocker!), where we got to sample their best seller, which was delicious, and I begrudgingly decided not to buy it because I had already bought plenty of tea… And then Anna, Okasan (Kosuke’s mom), Aya and I sat down at a matcha cafe (we need more of these in America!) and between the caffeine and the relaxed state, we had a lovely time just chatting and not even needing too much translation. Anna disappeared off to the bathroom for a bit and the three of us left behind fended quite well for ourselves. I think we were mostly talking about language, but we laughed a lot and it felt like we got to know a less serious side of one another away from home.
And when our hanami was rained out, we tried to go to the aquarium, but everyone else had the same idea. We waited in the long line in the rain for 20 minutes and finally it seemed like time was getting a little too crunched for the extended family coming to visit that afternoon. So we split up into teams: Kosuke, Aya and I stuck it out and enjoyed scheming up new menus of sashimi and beyond at the aquarium and Anna, Otousan and Okasan went to the grocery store to find some fun goodies for a quick and exciting lunch before Otousan’s sister and family came.
Otousan had showed Anna and I pictures from his niece Yuki and her new husband, Hirotaka’s wedding pictures. This afternoon would be the first time they had all met. No one had been expecting such a large gathering, but there I was and there they were. It was a large enough group that there ended up being two or three conversations going one at any given time. Aya and I sat to the side and made little comments to one another here and there. It was nice to have the pressure taken off of me and by the end, Okasan, Aya and I were laughing quite a bit. I don’t know exactly why, but I had made a funny gesture at one point, in my efforts to communicate with our limited language overlap, and it turned into a gag. One of my proudest linguistic moments :-) There was also a lull in the conversation, when I said “juu roku kumai” under my breath. It is the name of a multi-grain rice that Anna was trying to memorize at our amazing lunch the day before. I had created a sound association to memorize it myself and since everyone was so impressed with my very limited Japanese, I let loose this little phrase. The whole group burst out laughing at the randomness of the most American person in the room saying such a specific Japanese word. Nothing builds cultural bridges like mutual laughter and lightheartedness!
That afternoon, Kosuke, Anna and I took the shinkansen, the bullet train, back to Osaka. The bus trip had been 3 hours. The shinkansen was 40 minutes. Dear America, please do better.
All in all, the trip to the countryside was linguistically challenging and exhausting, but so lovely as I gained a Japanese sister, parents and cousins in just one weekend. And to have been a representative of Anna’s family that made her feel proud- thanks to Yoshi for setting me up with a self-introduction in Japanese that I used far more times than expected.
Anna and I went on a beautiful hike in Kobe the next day (Monday) and met Stephanie one last time before I was set to leave the next morning. She led us along a beautiful sakura-lined street to a wonderful tea house near the station. They had Japan’s greatest tea hits: houjicha parfaits, matcha tiramisu and still I found myself, on my last full day, gravitating toward the traditional: a bowl of matcha with a wagashi treat. It was a wonderful time reflecting on the trip and squeezing in some final “family time”. I had learned the day before that just as it is customary to bring gifts when you are arriving in Japan, it is also customary to give gifts to those who are leaving. Kosuke’s family hooked us up with treats and special gifts to take home. Stephanie did the same with lovely treats and classic Japanese gifts. I am so grateful for the special and meaningful time I got to have with Stephanie, and also Mark and Isaiah.
From there, Anna and I went to finally try some of the street food I had been eying the last two weeks. We did such a good job of eating well and trying lots of things that I was full every time we passed street food. So we finally planned it in and I got to try okonomiyaki and takoyaki for our very late lunch. Then it was home to pack and chill before one final gastronomic adventure that evening with Kosuke: izakaya.
Anna described it as like a bar with lots of little dishes. I was excited! We arrived at the place we thought we had made a reservation. It was the wrong place, so we kept going, but the next place was very full and we discovered the place where we had the reservation was actually pretty far from where we were. We went back to the first place. They were booked. Anna was starting to get a little stressed- it was so important for her that we would have a good experience on my last evening. Kosuke and I tried to stay calm and keep the mood light and finally it looked like we found a good place- Anna surged ahead, Kosuke and I in pursuit. We saw a free table through the window and Anna led the way, entering the restaurant and just as Kosuke and I got to the door behind her, she slid it closed in our faces. In surprise, we looked up at each other, confused, then through the window at Anna, who looked back briefly with a guilty smile, but forged right ahead and got that empty table. Kosuke and I looked at each other again and burst out laughing! Oh Anna! She was so focused on the goal that she had closed the restaurant door in our faces. We laughed and laughed and even as we then entered the restaurant and found our way to the table, we were still laughing so hard at the absurdity of what we had just witnessed.I think Anna could appreciate that it was a little odd, but she also wasn’t sure why we were laughing quite so hard. I think it was partially the hysteria that follows the release of a tense situation.
We had a wonderful time at the izakaya, letting Kosuke do most of the ordering and trying a variety of tempura, sushi and more. Tempura pickled ginger was probably the most obscure (very salty, but yummy!) and the lotus root was my favorite. And I got to try sea urchin! It was not as eventful as I had expected. Very, very creamy.
At home, there were some little squids and ice cream and cookies to eat (not together, silly!). And then we just laughed and laughed and enjoyed reflecting on what a special time the whole trip had been. We lost Kosuke when he started thinking about the moment with the door at the izakaya. He could not stop laughing. That was funny.
Then I was off. Kosuke prepared one final breakfast for me and then Anna and I went to the airport. There were some flight changes, so we were not able to have the last lunch together that we had hoped, but I made home that night, which was important.
So final reflections. What have I brought back to life in NYC with me? And what do I hope to bring back into my life from this amazing time in Japan?
I brought back lots of tea, and have already started to have lots of wonderful tea parties with friends! I look forward to these continuing for many months. I brought back some of Anna and Kosuke’s routines of adding soups and veggies to meals in simple ways. I have been having more little dishes of things as meals.
I want to find more matcha around the city and have more tea adventures, both solo and with friends. I want to keep enjoying time to write and reflect. I want to combine more flavors that reflect nature the way green tea (green and bright), red bean (earthy and sweet) and rice cake (chewy and hearty) come together without needing additional sugar. Simple beauty. Patterns that “clash”...
I want to find ways to get out into nature. It was easier to do in Japan because of the efficiency of transit, but I don’t want that obstacle to stop me from accessing something that restores my soul so well. I am trying to not bring back resentment for the inefficiency of the Metropolitan Transit Authority…
The Japanese do small things and moderation very well. Small vehicles, small coffee cups, small bags of trash that go out more frequently, small dishes (with great variety!) to make up a whole meal. To me, this reflects presence in each moment of life. Not just thinking about the future. I could definitely use a bit more of that.
I was struck by how generous the Japanese are, and the practices of gifts, of sharing, the manner of sharing. Usually gifts given reflect a trip here or there, or of course, it is often food that is shared.
I was struck by the friendliness of the waitress in Kobe. How she was so kind to me, even though it made her embarrassed to speak in English, and even afterwards she waved so big at me. I was also struck by Kosuke’s family’s willingness to try out their English with me in a similar gesture of generosity and humility. Imagine a world where foreigners, even foreign strangers, were always treated this way, like guests, like family.
And I brought back origami paper. So there are more paper crafts in my life. And that is awfully nice.
Marie in NYC
