Auditions and Black Sapote
Another week, another trip, surprises, connections…
I am on my way back to NYC from Florida. I was struggling with the timing of this trip as the departure neared. I get some travel anxiety from time to time and this was one of those times. It was unexplainable, but I was overcome with a weight of worry and dread: not wanting to go, not wanting to travel, not being sure if I had everything in my suspiciously light carry-on suitcase. It was illogical and I knew it, but knowing that fact did not prevent the gnawing in my gut, nor the thoughts flitting quickly through my conscious and making it difficult to sleep. Had I not just returned from an international trip? Why in the world had I agreed to this cross country audition trip a week later?
Leading up to this, I had a nice and relatively productive few days in NYC. I hosted a dinner date, sang an audition, had a voice lesson, saw an opera, taught some voice lessons, was even subject to some colorful street harassment that made me laugh (usually it’s just obnoxious). I am still in the process of finding a used desk for my room in my apartment, but have hardly had my feet on them ground long enough to try and pursue much on that front.
And you know what? I had an amazing time in Florida. More on that soon.
The audition in NYC last week was a middling experience. It came out of no where, but I was very confident going in and subsequently disappointed thereafter with how the manner in which I spent my time leading up to the audition affected my vocal production and energy as I sang. Learning experiences: 1) an informal audition is not a shoo in and requires as much care and attention as a formal audition. 2) an audition should be approached with as much intention as a performance. 3) it is important separate Marie Engle, mezzo-soprano from Marie Engle, human who exists in the world. And 4) however I may sing or perform, my feelings of that do not dictate the outcome; God has moved bigger mountains than winning an audition that I may not have nailed by my own high standards. I was encouraged by the words of several friends and family members with whom I shared this experience and these feelings. Progress. Always moving forward. Having a great voice lesson the next day was also encouraging and helped put my feelings about the audition into perspective.
On Saturday, I have a lovely brunch in Harlem reconnecting with Tim and Michelle Kennel-Shenk and their two sweet daughters, with whom I lived at the Menno House (expect little Lydia, who wasn’t born yet!). There is something so comforting about connecting with folks from your home culture when you live outside of that culture or in the city.
After brunch, I was off to the opera with Linda to see the current production of Poulenc’s Dialogues of the Carmelites- some exquisite 20th Century music that is not super accessible unless the story is told very convincingly, and it is a story that is hard to make pop onstage. Aspects of the Met’s production are really beautiful and convincing, but I was disappointed with most of the story-telling, or lack thereof coming from the stage. No matter, though! Linda and I always have a brilliant time together at the opera (or however else we may connect)! I am admittedly still waiting for the Met to inspire me. I have thus far found much more inspiration from the work my peers are doing than from the major performing arts institutions in the city…
Sunday morning, I dragged my nearly empty suitcase, containing my two Florida dresses, a pair of pumps and not much else, to church for Marble Collegiate’s yearly visit from Ken Medema, a profound artist who brings his music and ministry of improvised testimony to churches of all kinds. I first heard him at a Mennonite convention when I was in high school and I have been further moved as a trained musician his improvisations of people’s stories, told in the moment. He is incredibly gifted and I highly recommend looking him up if you don’t know his work!
After the service, I ate my packed lunch and then decided to mosey to airport. I promptly discovered that there would be no moseying because the trip to LaGuardia was longer than I thought and I had miscalculated my time the afternoon. As I rushed out on my merry way, I am happy to report that the train and bus connection that I needed in order to get to the airport both were both at the stations when I arrived. I had about an hour and a few minutes before my flight would leave, but the security line… Don’t worry, I made it to my flight in time, but I have never before arrived to the gate when the flight was fully boarded, nor been the 2nd to last person to get on the plane. I managed to keep a level head through the whole thing, but I was definitely relieved when I got my behind into my window seat.
My Aunt Karis and (uncle) Owen picked me up at the West Palm Beach airport, where I was immediately hit with a bit of culture shock by the warm weather and palm trees! We had a wonderful dinner and great time getting caught up, when Karis recommended stopping quickly at the regional fair that was happening. I had never been a fair in Florida, so we went, walked around, enjoyed a deep fried Twinkie (why not?) and headed back to Karis and Owen’s house.
Their house is fabulous! So artsy and quite inspiring: the layout, the light, the kitchen island- not to mention the incredible orchard of rare fruit trees and various beautiful and edible things creating a jungle paradise around the house. Karis gave me a thorough tour the next morning and it was truly awe-inspiring. Fruits I couldn’t imagine were growing from big and little trees and Karis would pluck one off and show me how to eat it. There were also plenty that needed a little more time to sit on the counter and ripen. I feel very blessed to now be on my way back to New York with lots of exciting produce!!
I spent Monday with Karis and Owen and it really was a special time of conversation and connection. I can’t wait to go back soon. And it is quite easy to go back and forth from NYC to WPB, so…. No excuses!
Then yesterday, I went to sing an audition with John Nelson, a prominent conductor of French opera, Handel and concert music. The connection was none other than our friend, Ron Watson, who you will remember from my Maine blog. I met Ron in Paris and he has been a friend and fan ever since. He had been working to get me together with John for over a year and it finally happened! It was really a blessing to sing for John and to get positive affirmations from him. To top it off, we joined him and his family for a lovely dinner and house tour and now I am flying back to NYC with not only several bags of fruit, but also quite a few of John’s great recordings: my suitcase empty no more! It is very rare to have personal connections like this after an audition, but I am now of the opinion that all auditions should include such things! :-)
Karis brought me to the airport this morning and we had the luxury of a long and meaningful drop-off conversation when my flight was delayed. I am so grateful for this wonderful trip, despite my anxieties leading up to it. Relationships really are fuel.
And next time, I will pack my swimsuit.
Marie on the Road
